Snap! Giving Compliments

In the next chapter of our new book, Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, Dr. Pepper and I show how easy and damaging it can be to forget to regularly compliment your partner, particularly the farther into a relationship. Please enjoy another free sample!

Compliments are a special currency to use in your relationship; they create positive emotions in the same way touch helps release endorphins and leads to feelings of goodwill, positive emotion, and solid bonds between partners.

In the early stages of a relationship we are usually love struck, adoring, and effusive with all kinds of compliments. Compliments seem easy and obvious; you want to give them and you feel wonderful saying something loving and seeing your partner beam with pleasure. When going through those early dating dances, we instinctively flatter, engage, pursue, and seduce our mate.

Over time, however, these mating hormones subside, and what happens next is up to the thinking part of the brain. Thoughts lead to feelings and feelings lead to action. The more positive thoughts and feelings you express the better you feel, the better your partner feels, and the stronger the bond between you. But of course, feeling good about giving and receiving compliments takes some practice. Most partners want to sound and be authentic. A compliment can sound cheesy if it sounds as if it is being given for effect rather than from the heart! When compliments are given wholeheartedly, however, they usually work well. The problem is that over time, partners forget to give them often and sometimes stop giving them at all. As human beings we can decide whether we think about something in a positive light or a negative light. It is what you choose to think that determines what you feel. Think negative thoughts about your partner and you will have negative feelings. Think positive thoughts and you will have positive feelings.

Knowing how to give a compliment does take practice. All compliments are not created equal. There is a skill set you can use to learn how to give a compliment that will keep you both connected and sizzling. A compliment is a great aphrodisiac.

Again, for the other pages of the chapter and the rest of the book, order here!