In the first chapter of our new book, Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, Dr. Pepper and I talk about Redundant Conversations. Here's a taste!
Stop repeating old conversations. Rehashing old wounds and wars will only create more conflict. Refuse to engage in reruns, whether it’s over that critical comment he made about your hair or the time she forgot your birthday. Repetitive conversations, in which each person already knows the other’s point of view and exactly what the other is going to say, are just plain destructive to relationships. Going over and over the same territory casts a negative pall on conversations and makes both of you feel pessimistic about the relationship’s future happiness or durability.
The more often you recall bad experiences, the worse you both feel. It is normal and even necessary to disagree, but once you know your partner’s thoughts or feelings, you know, right? So going back over the same discussion is either refusing to accept that the two of you don’t agree or, as the saying goes, “beating a dead horse."
If you think you are going to change your partner’s mind by repeating old conversations, think again. That is a very remote possibility, and in fact, this kind of regurgitation is more likely to cement their position. It may even feel incredibly insulting. Your partner may be thinking: “Does she think I’m dumb? I get what she’s saying; I don’t need it said forty-two different ways!” Believe us: All repetition does is train the other person to stop listening.
For the other pages of the chapter and the rest of the book, you can order here!