In the third chapter of our new book, Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, Dr. Pepper and I discuss the dangers of Snarky Comments. Have another taste!
A snarky comment is something nasty that is said about someone else. It is a hit-and-run criticism. The snark can be veiled or straightforward, but it’s negative and unprompted. If it’s about your partner, he or she will feel cut and insulted without a fair chance to respond. When the snark is about others, it only breeds negativity and causes your partner to see you as petty.
Sometimes it can seem like you are only passing on interesting information or a funny story, but it comes across as mean-spirited gossip and criticism. As a habit, making these comments diminishes others’ respect for you. Whoever the victim is, you will be seen as untrustworthy because there is nothing useful or constructive in what you are saying; it is only hurtful and harmful. Sooner or later, the potshots you throw at your partner will be seen as vicious, cowardly, and unloving. People naturally move away from someone who says ugly things about them, and that will happen in a marriage just as much as it happens in a friendship. No one really wants to be around someone who frequently lashes out.
The comments can seem benign, such as, “Well, honey, I married you for your beauty, not your brains,” or “Grocery store flowers again, WOW, that really makes my day.” Or something that is superficially funny but stings, such as, “You can’t find your keys again? Maybe you should look where you lost mine the last time you borrowed them.”
We wonder if you might be masking some real problems in your relationship. Instead of communicating directly, are you making snarky comments and bitter remarks because it’s hard to express your feelings? It’s important to trace where such negative feelings come from so you can figure out how to stop making these nasty quips.
As always, for the other pages of the chapter and the rest of the book, order here!