In the next chapter of our new book, Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, Dr. Pepper and I bring up the topic of doubting -- and sometimes misreading -- your partner's thoughts and feelings. Take another sneak-peek!
Assuming goodwill is an easier way to go through life, and adds lightness to your relationship. When you believe your partner wants the best for you, it is easier to stay calm, centered, and open. Use self-talk to remember that your partner loves you and wants you to be happy. Use a mantra such as "I love her and she loves me," "Every day isn't a ten," or "This too will pass."
Love and respect are not constant emotions that permeate every minute of every day, and despite our best intent all of us have bad days or grumpy moods. Couples make mistakes in reading each other. One of you may be grumpy because your sports team lost or your pants don’t fit the same as they did last year. His or her mood may have absolutely nothing to do with you. Generally, if a bad mood or grouchy tone is about you, you will know soon enough.
In the course of daily life it may seem that your partner doesn’t think about you. It is easy to assume that your partner is ignoring your needs or waving them off as relatively unimportant. Unfortunately, many of us make unjustified assumptions that take us down a path of unwarranted resentment. Assuming "goodwill" and "good intent" can help bring you closer and feel less resentment.
It is easy to think the worst. It is easy to feel that your partner just does what he or she wants to do, without concern for you. You may whip up a whole scenario about how selfish your partner is, about how he or she doesn’t take your feelings into account. But we notice that many of us make assumptions that are terribly wrong. So we suggest a mantra that reminds you that you are loved, that you are needed, that you are appreciated and cared for. Unless you have major evidence to the contrary, this mantra will put things in perspective.
Remember, for the other pages of the chapter and the rest of the book, order here!