In the fourth chapter of our new book, Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, Dr. Pepper and I tackle the sibling of snarkiness: insensitive remarks. Have a peek!
It’s normal to feel hurt in an intimate relationship. Hurt feelings are part of life and happen from time to time in every relationship. Most of the time, they are simply a matter of different expectations or different perceptions of what is important. Men and women often see things differently, perhaps because of biology, different treatment by mothers and fathers, or just a variety of life experiences. For example, a woman may feel threatened by a male stranger who stands very close to her in a chance meeting, while a man might experience the same kind of close encounter with a woman as a flattering flirtation. Differences in male and female expectations can also occur in a relationship and be influenced by cultural values and traditions and what we observed as children in our families or from prior relationships.
We have rarely seen partners set out to hurt one another. But careless comments or forgotten manners can lead to more distress than is warranted. We’ve seen one person’s unintentional, hurtful remark to his or her partner turn into a dramatic dialogue or spark a torrent of anger and defensiveness. Frequently, insensitive remarks are meant as jokes or “just kidding,” but when they are hurtful they need to be called out and addressed. Often a light reminder is all it Insensitive Remarks 29 takes. It can be as simple as saying “Ouch” to remind your partner that he or she is treading in a sensitive area.
As always, for the other pages of the chapter and the rest of the book, order here!