In the next chapter of our new book, Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, Dr. Pepper and I remind everyone to never, ever insult your partner as it only leads to weakening trust. Enjoy the free sample!
Silent insults do damage. This is especially true when we are interacting with our partners. We use all of our senses—touch, smell, sight, hearing, and taste—to consciously and unconsciously gather information, and when they tell us we are unsafe we retreat, and intimacy and trust are compromised.
All types and levels of communication between couples are monitored by the senses. Our senses have no off switch. They are always on, even during sleep. When you have a feeling that something is different or not quite right between you, that is your senses sending you a warning. We refer to this early warning system as intuition or sensitivity.
Tones and gestures speak as loudly as words. Frowns, snarls, pitch, volume, glares, eye rolls, and hand movements all can communicate contempt. Insolent or bored body language can make polite or warm conversations impossible. Even worse, a constant barrage of negative facial expressions can create fear and distrust that lasts. Your partner will feel that he or she is walking on tiptoes and withhold honest exchange for fear of being treated as if he or she were dumb, uninteresting, annoying, or unworthy. Intimacy can only happen when couples feel safe opening up to each other. Harsh tones and negative gestures extinguish trust.
As always, for the other pages of the chapter and the rest of the book, order here!