Snap! Harmful Humor

In the thirtieth chapter of our new book, Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, Dr. Pepper and I illustrate the fine line between playful , healthy jokes in a relationship and unintentionally cruel ones.   Enjoy the free sample!

A sense of shared humor is a wonderful gift in a loving relationship. Laughing, joking, playing around, and engaging in various forms of silliness produce a plethora of endorphins. And it is these silly, frivolous, laugh-inducing experiences that create deep and lasting bonds.

There can be a fine line between being funny and joking with your partner, or veiled emotions and a betrayal of trust. As Winston Churchill said, “A joke is a very serious thing.” So the mood with your partner can go from hilarity to hurt in the turn of a phrase. If you hit a vulnerable spot in your partner’s psyche, whatever you said or did is not funny, humorous, or witty regardless of your conscious intent. We have seen humor used as a weapon to deliver serious blows to the heart of a partner, and the person launching the “humorous attack” can run for cover using phrases like “Can’t you take a joke” or “Jeez, I was only kidding.” These comments signal that your partner doesn’t not want to own up to his or her hostility.

We consider this a ballistic missile aimed at your relationship. It’s important to keep your humor playful and funny, and be sure both of you are laughing. If both of you are not laughing, stop and comfort your partner.

Again, for the other pages of the chapter and the rest of the book, order here!