In this chapter of our new book, Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, Dr. Pepper and I warn about letting sex stagnant and offer tips to spice things up. Enjoy the free sample!
Amazing as the concept is, sex can be boring. But even modest innovations can make a huge difference. Sexual relationships give couples a unique way of staying intensely connected. Bringing someone you love to an ecstatic, orgasmic state can sometimes feel like a religious moment. You transcend rationality together and under the best of circumstances feel like you have opened yourself up to each other in a way that deepens your love and trust. Sex can vary from lovemaking to having fun to just releasing tension. But at its most awesome, there is a feeling that the world has stopped for just this moment of lust or love or some wonderful combination of both.
Sex is psychologically complex. Certainly, great sex is not just a matter of knowing how long to rub something. Our desire starts in the brain, and the brain sends the message to the rest of your body. If your brain gets negative input—rude treatment, bad smells, or something else that is objectionable—the whole turning-on process gets short-circuited.
One thing that can stop the brain from continuing to send the kind of signals that light up our nerve endings and get the genitals hard or juicy is the message that the same thing that has happened every other time is going to happen again. “Oh, he’s starting to rub my breast now. He’s doing the usual, going for the right one. Now he’s doing the left one, like he always does. Nice, but I wonder if I put the clothes in the dryer.” This is a bit harsh to hear, but men and women who never try a new move, a new pattern, or something a bit edgy—or at least start things up in a different room of their home—can sometimes make even sex boring. In fact, they can make it so boring that many couples stop having regular sex because they’ve been there, done that in the same exact way so many times that they never really get passionate anymore. We know you are saying to yourself, “Well, what do you expect after ten years?” Or, “Sure, we were like that the first ten years, but it’s been twenty-five. Are we supposed to be sex playmates at our age?” This is an understandable reaction, but we are here to tell you that sex can still be exciting, at least occasionally, no matter how long you have been together. This does take a bit of mental energy, but if you can overcome your inertia, you can do great things together. Sometimes your sexual renovation can be as easy as the introduction of a sex toy! Long before Fifty Shades of Grey hit the shelves, research showed that both men and women yearn for some variety in their sex lives. New sex toys create new adventures that in turn create an edgier, sexier sex life. To maintain some electricity in a long-term relationship and to keep all the juices flowing, we recommend you create some new moves by expanding your sexual repertoire.
As always, for the other pages of the chapter and the rest of the book, order here!