In the following chapter of our new book, Snap Strategies for Couples: 40 Fast Fixes for Everyday Relationship Pitfalls, Dr. Pepper and I take the sometimes controversial stance that one shouldn't make unnecessary confessions in a relationship, especially if they will only do more harm in the long run. Enjoy the free sample!
Most people need a filter, not a faucet. Being open doesn’t have to mean making a true confession. Confessions may seem to offer a way out of feeling guilty and ashamed because of something you have done but wished you hadn’t. Confessions don’t release you from your emotions, however; most of the time they make you feel worse as you watch the agony and distress you are causing your partner. Once you start telling your secret, there is no taking it back or un-telling.
If your confession is about sex and it is in the past, there is nothing you can do to change what happened. We believe the burden belongs to you, and not your partner. By confessing your wrongdoing, the emotional burden is shifted to your partner, but you will still have guilt and shame. The burden your partner will now carry if you confess is broken trust, and once trust is badly broken it is difficult to repair. Your partner might be plagued by flashbacks, a seemingly endless series of questions, betrayal, self-doubt, humiliation, fear, hurt, and anger—to name a few of the emotions that could haunt him or her for years.
As always, for the other pages of the chapter and the rest of the book, order here!